


Erica's Bloody Sunday

by Master_of_the_Boot1



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Erica brooks, F/F, OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 13:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15797829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_of_the_Boot1/pseuds/Master_of_the_Boot1
Summary: Jasper's human lover has terrible Periods. Peridot has a terrible solution to a terrible problem. Luckily, there's nothing anywhere that can't be fixed or made better with pie.





	Erica's Bloody Sunday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evilsnotbag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilsnotbag/gifts).



> This story features menstruation and vaginas. Don't like, don't read. 
> 
> The character Erica Brooks belongs to the very talented Evilsnotbag. 
> 
> Check her out, she's way more talented than I am.

Erica’s Bloody Sunday

 

Author’s note: I do not own Erica Brooks.

 

Warning: This story contains mentions of menstruation and sexual content.

 

* * *

 

_Beach City, Delmarva,_

 

I felt like burning garbage as my period raged. My womb was punishing me like I owed it money. The hot water bottle wasn’t working. The pain killers weren’t working. What I wanted was Jasper. My Jasper. Jasper the Quartz Warrior. Jasper my own dear wife.

 

I wanted Jasper to be there with me. I wanted her giant warm hands on my tummy, warmer and more comforting than any water water bottle or electric blanket could ever hope to be. I wanted to smell her rustic, feminine scene and feel the tickle of her bushy hair. Oh how I wanted her to be with me so badly. My period started this morning, but it felt like a million years since Jasper had left the house to run a mission with the Crystal Gems.

 

Ouch!

 

More pangs of pain.

 

Fuck you, womb!

 

Just fuck you!

 

Oh why did I have to come from a family where periods felt like having having our entrails pulled out our assholes?

 

Oh if I could just get up and grab myself some pie. I could stick it in the microwave and get it nice and hot. I needed something hot and chocolatey. The pie wasn’t meant to be served warm but I didn’t give a shit. I needed something warm and chocolate.

 

I wanted Jasper back badly, she could warm up the pie for me. In the oven or the microwave, it didn’t fucking matter. I just wanted her here. Beyond her size, her smile, her warmth, it was the love she brought. The sincere love born of our time together.

 

Oh love, it was the only thing that could get me through this period.

 

Unfortunately what I got was a fucking shrill moron.

 

“It is I, the great and lovable Peridot!” shouted the green gem as she slapped a drum with both hands. “I have permanent and lasting solution to your menses problem, Erica!”

 

“Peridot, shut the fuck up!” I snarled as I pulled the blankets over me. I tried to adjust the couch cushion to be more comfortable. If worst came to worst, I could throw the hot water bottle at her head.

 

 

The angry dorito gem ignored my anger and discomfort as she stepped up on her short legs right next to me. As annoyed, tired and in pain as I was, I was wondering what the hell it was she’d strapped to her hips. “So what do you want? Can’t you see I’m in pain? Can you stick a pie in the microwave for me?”

 

“Forget your pathetic and very un-tasty human confection,” Peridot crowed, tossing her drum across the living room and breaking something fragile. “I, the genius that I am, have figured out how to put a permanent end to your menstrual pain; caused in no small part by crude and mindless Darwinian forces!”

 

“So what the fuck is that?” I asked her.

 

She proudly tapped on the cylindrical green device strapped to her hips. “This is my latest invention.” She grinned at me like a proud parent with a child.

 

The machine glinted in the afternoon sun coming through my window. A fresh coat of green paint covered its metallic chassis. I could see one hose coming out of it, and a second hose that went from the machine into Peridot’s pants.

 

“Peridot, what the fuck is that? Why is there a hose going into your panties?” I wasn’t in the mood for more of Peridot’s shit inventions. Her last one was a folder with a bee inside; she slipped it under the bathroom door while I was taking a shit. The one before that was a glass condom. The one before that was a type of liquid sausage. She was louder and more annoying than Invader Zim and just as shitty as inventing things.

 

“Well it’s painfully easy, Erica” Peridot spread her hands and grabbed each length of hose. “This machine is a specially designed and calibrated vacuum pump. It’s purpose is to suck your menstrual offings straight up my own pleasure port.”

 

I blinked because I didn’t fully understand she she had told me. The very idea of it was probably the most insane thing I’d ever heard and easily the worst of Peridot’s failed inventions. “What?”

 

“Well, in Earth parlance I’m going to suck up your period and pump it into my own pussy!” Peridot was jubilant. It was like this was the most obvious solution to periods ever.

 

The more I thought about it the more I realized how fucking insane this was. “Get the fuck away from me!” I shouted at her. “I need some pie! Warm Pie is what I need! I don’t want or need a vacuum hose stuck in my cooch!”

 

“Well you can wait for your menses to end or you can use my amazing, world changing invention,” Peridot snapped. “Are you worried about safety? I’ll have you know I tested my machine decisively on the vaginas of pigs. It is safe beyond the shadow of a doubt!”

 

“Get away from me, you green piece of shit!” I snapped as I grabbed one of Jasper’s golf trophies and started waving it like a club. If that green fucker got near me I was going to knock her fucking head off.

 

“Fine!” Peridot pouted, “If you won’t cooperate then I’ll just have to show you that it’s safe!”

 

She hit a big red button on the side of the machine. It roared to life like any bog standard vacuum cleaner. Then it started to whistle and whine. Sparks flew out of a vent on the side.

 

“Egads!” said Peridot, “It looks like stale menstruation has caused internal corrosion.”

 

**BOOM!**

 

There was a big fucking explosion and I was thrown back. I covered myself in the couch blankets to be safe. The sound was deafening and there was a huge flash of light to accompany it.

 

When I opened my eyes and surveyed the damage I could see that the busted machine had thrown shrapnel all over the wall and set fire to one of the area rugs. Peridot though had taken the brunt of the damage. She had been totally wrecked. If she was a flesh and blood woman, she’d be getting fitted at the hospital for a rubber cunt.

 

“Oh my gods,” I whispered as I laid upon Peridot’s wrecked pussy.

 

“Ow,” whimpered Peridot, right before she poofed and her gem hit the ground; falling amidst the scattered remnants of her crappy machine.

 

It was then to my everlasting glee that my Jasper walked through the front door with a large sow under her arm. “Hey Honey! I found this fucking pig digging up and eating the tulips we planted yesterday. The collar says that it belongs to Peridot so I can’t barbecue it like I planned; I’m really sorry about that.”

 

The pig oinked and shoot its fuzzy, dirt encrusted head, spraying slobber and chewed tulip all over the living room.

 

Jasper dropped the pig onto the ground as she took in the scene. “Holy Stars! Honey are you okay!” She ignored the feral hog who Peridot had molested in the name of science. “Erica, talk to me baby.”

 

I looked into Jasper’s eyes and whimpered through the searing womb pain. “Peridot blew herself up. She wrecked her snatch.”

 

Jasper looked like she understood everything and put me into the biggest, warmest hug I’ve ever felt. “It’s okay honey, don’t you worry. I’ll clean everything up. Can I get you anything?”

 

I whimpered, “I want pie.”

 

It was all I wanted.

 

“Anything else,?” Jasper pressed gently, drying my tears with a kerchief from her gem.

 

“Can you warm it up?” I asked quietly.

 

Over by the kitchen, the pig had started eating from Cake’s food bowl. Like a flash of lightning, our pet kitty yowled and swiped at the sow’s snout with her claws. The pig squealed and jumped back, unwilling to take on our fearless cat in a fight.

 

The pain was there, but now there was warmth and there was love. It felt like a kind of magic. Before long, I was holding in my hands a plate full of steaming, microwaved chocolate cream pie. The thing was an ooey gooey melted mess the likes of which every kid would love. Jasper even put on whipped cream and sprinkles on there. She’s even managed to use larger sprinkles to spell out _Get well soon, love._

 

I nearly cried as I took a spoonful of melted pie and savoured the flavor. “How are you?” I tried to ask Jasper through a mouthful.

 

Jasper put her hands on my aching stomach, her skin warming me and soothing the pain. Already everything was starting to feel better.

 

She didn’t reply right away.

 

“I’m fine, I guess.”

 

“What’s wrong?” I pushed myself into her embrace, feeling her arms wrap around me.

 

“Well, I got into a fight with Bismuth,” Jasper hung her head. “It was silly, we had an argument over who was stronger. It got bad and I basically told her that her crystal gems friends I killed coming out of the kindergarten . . . were better off dead.” her words quickened at the end, her head hanging with shame.

 

Silence hung in the air between us as Jasper waited for me to respond.

 

“Are you ashamed of me?” Jasper asked, her eyes watering. At any moment my jumbo monster queen tiger wife might cry and that was not something I could bear. If Jasper started crying, then I’d cry with her and the two of us would never stop.

 

“That’s cold,” I answered honestly, shovelling down more pie as fuel. “I’d like for you to make right with Bismuth, but I love you.”

 

“I shouldn’t have done it,” said Jasper mournfully, “I lost an arm wrestle and then I started seeing red and I flipped out on her.”

 

“Honey,” I told her, stuffing my face with whipped cream, “I’m not judging you. I think you’re the bravest, kindest person I know and one of the strongest and smartest. I have faith that even if you stumble, you’ll do right.”

 

“It’s hard sometimes,” Jasper whispered, “I still forget I’m not on Homeworld. I used to be able to throw my privilege around to bully gems into forefitting contests of strength.”

 

“Being a good person is hard,” I whispered as I kissed her on the cheek. “Being good is a work of will, and you’re one of the most wilful people I’ve ever met.”

 

My features became stern as I imagined myself a princess. I could see myself riding dragons and conquering worlds. “Now have some pie, Jasper.”

 

“I’m not hungry,” Jasper bemoaned, still down on herself.”

 

“Eat, your queen commands it,” I ordered firmly.

 

Jasper smirked, “Oh, I can’t say no to a command from my Queen; the woman who conquered my heart and my snatch.”

 

“Even at my weakest, I’m still going to ride you like a beast champion warrior,” I made a _purr_ like a tigress. “When I’m done with this pie, we’re going to play Daenerys _and Drogon.”_

 

Jasper was fired with anticipation as she gave me a soulful kiss, “Then prepare to conquer this bloody dragon, my queen.”

 

The moment was ruined when Amethyst walked through the front door. “Hey guys, sorry to spoil the fun but—whoa, what the fuck happened?” she asked as she pointed to the mess of shit that was Peridot’s invention.

 

“Peridot was a fucking idiot,” I clarified for her.

 

“Yeah, she does that,” said Amethyst, “Anyway, E, I just came by to tell you that Priyanka drank some stuff from Pearl’s lab and she’s hunting for sex and she’s going to attack.”

 

“What do you mean, drank some stuff?” Jasper demanded. “What the hell are you talking about?”

 

Amethyst shrugged, “Pearl told Priyanka over the phone that she invented a magic potion or some shit that would take away her period pain or something. When I last saw her she poofed Pearl with one of her swords and she started humping out mailbox. Garnet says we should get her before she does something she regrets.”

 

With fire in my eyes I looked up at Jasper, I shoved the last of the pie into my mouth and put the dish to the side of the sofa. “Honey, carry me. I’ll ride you like my dragon.” I said as I swallowed the last chocolate goodness.

 

“Hey E, did you hear what I said?” Amethyst asked me, “Dr. M was looking pretty nutty last time. She’s prowling for hot ladies and she’’ll uh—jump on your back, if you know what I mean.”

 

I was raised up by my jasper like some kind of Blanket Queen. Like the fabled burrito cat, I stared straight ahead, willing to battle through all pain and discomfort for my friends. “Jasper will protect me. Now let’s go and find Priyanka and save her from Pearl’s shitty invention!”

 

 


End file.
